Let's face it. I upset both left and right with my remarks, I upset those who hate JK Rowling and those who want me to be religious and spend my life in churches. I don't know, how far-fetched is the cancel culture, but it made me scared. I was so far cancelled for:
- Being Polish;
- Seeing evil in both left and right;
- Being a GC feminist;
- Not being dogmatic about SJW causes most people stand for, either because I have no influence or I don't like being guilt-tripped;
- Wanting to see less social isolation, more fun, even if modern ideologies dislike it;
- Thinking that nobody should lecture anybody with different experiences about how they lead moral life;
- Being non-religious.
I'm beyond it, at least I try, I might have come across as a hypocrite, but the people around me became so unfriendly, always moralising, pretending to have higher ground than anybody else and I don't really know, if I could have a job these days. Let's face it, most employers look at your effing background check, or as they call it "Social Credit Score", which is absolutely terrifying, what if I were deep faked into something illegal and people would believe I did it? Nowadays most women seem to be falsely convicted of something or falsely accused. And I'm a woman, so I can relate to it.
I wish I lived much earlier, paradoxically, when I could become a rock musician, make a living out of it and I wouldn't have to pay the payola (premium) to the Internet portals to promote myself, because I feel so deeply insecure about my future, due to the egregious political polarization.
So, this is why I have been crying about being excluded from a Rush fandom, for being Polish, disagreeing with Geddy Lee in terms of how Polish people are or even were (some of his concerns may be valid, though), because it felt like Geddy Lee cancelled the whole Polish population, even of those Rush fans. Rush fandom was the only community, where I felt safe and I must admit that: 1). Geddy's polonophobia, 2.) weird conspiracy theories about Neil Peart, 3.) The Runaways' accusations (maybe false, maybe not), drove me to isolating myself from Rush community. I know most of those are rumors, but Geddy's hatred against Poland (instilled into him by his parents), was not a rumor, sadly. It's so terrifying that I live outside of Canada and The US, so that I can't experience the goods of being a real Rush fan, living in Poland, having to deal with dogmatically Catholic family members of mine, who just now falsely accused me of satanism, because of my artistic expression, feels definitely extremely isolating (but remember, not all Poles are Catholic or at least dogmatically Catholic). And social isolation leads to many diseases, just like smoking or drinking. Which is terribly fearful for me. And now with heightened anti-female hatred, deep fakes, AI taking over step by step people's job, I wonder, if I should get a job, or lead my usual life of studying at the college. Because I dislike modern society so much, especially after COVID lockdowns, which made me more "hysterical", if I can say this. Not mentally ill, but I'd like to scream as a singer, because my intragenerational trauma of wars and Communism and social exclusion and isolation make me feel terrified and upset, so that I slowly regret living in Poland and being born here. Silesia is even more constricting. A lot of neighbors would never allow me to play instruments and I would have to ask for permission of the bureaucrats to play music, e.g. on the streets.
My sense of humor and my darkest jokes possible, seem to be my cope with my awful life.
TL;DR I dislike my life and I hope someone changes my mind. >:( :(
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