People tell me I'm gonna die from Covid, I'm acting like I'm gonna die from Covid. (this is why I experiment socially on people)

 I never got what I wanted, never saw my beloved band Rush in Poland, never got safety, never got no threat of war between probably Poland and Russia, never got assured about not living in the times, when AI disinfo against public figures (e.g. deepfakes) will be rampant and normalized. This is the definition of character assasination, as I said, revenge corn, esp. AI-generated. I was groomed by a p*dophile (and a dangerous f*tishist) online when I was 13, thanks to being a Rush fan at that age and "he was as well" (also coincidentally a right-wing s*um who hated women and girls, when they didn't give him what he wants) and I'm gonna speak out about it, because I'm still embarrassed about what happened. I don't think for a while of suing him, it's not USA, it's Europe, after all, unless he victimizes children further, but I'm not gonna hide him, because I'm afraid of retribution. I'm waiting for the good moment and some of the witnessed informing me about the court case, if he continues offending. I live far away from him, luckily. I was as a victim in the court case, when I was 11 and my bullies same age and older. They got their verdicts, though. It was so lengthy and an another brick in the wall. I'm afraid of undergoing it again and reliving my trauma. The only reason I haven't acted out, is because "blah blah blah, my father committed suicide and I'm psychotic". GET THE F*CKING TREATMENT, INSTEAD OF RUINING MY LIFE! YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO! I was raised in patriarchal Catholic Church, so my voice, as a "meekly woman who is supposed to be quiet at church" wasn't heard, just like the Polish voice wasn't heard, when Poles were victimized by Germany and Russia. You lying people told me I'm gonna die of Covid at the hospital. So I'm acting like this. I'm showcasing my darkest and most violent sense of humor, partially inspired by The Witcher games and books and I love and I will always love now. Wanted to know the truth about me? Here it is. I still carry that trauma I had from my relatives (due to intergenerational trauma and the aftermath of it), as a girl and as a woman. Hate me more, you are capable of this. I don't care, you would tell me that I will die of Covid, if I don't stay at home, don't take unneeeded "medication" for it etc. You are lying and I will call you out for who you are.
But the dramatic things in my life, wouldn't happen, if there wasn't an enabling situation. Sorry to be out of line here: Rush, notoriously a libertarian, with right-wing tendencies band, aforementioned by Barry Miles as such - source: https://rushvault.com/2011/07/27/barry-miles-1974-nme-article-excerpt/, apparently bullying the girl group The Runaways, even when they were quite underage (I wonder if it was sexualized or not, I hope not, because many rockstars have been sexually abusing girls and women and making them take illegal drugs) - source: https://www.stereogum.com/2272128/cherie-currie-explains-how-rush-sabotaged-the-runaways-in-1977-i-couldve-been-paralyzed/news/, that was also the moment, when I accidentally confronted Neil Peart's sister - Nancy Peart Burkholder on FB, asked her series of questions about whether Rush members are nice or whether they love Poland and when she got quite aggressive with me, I made series of off-color jokes about hating Poland, so she would approve of me, yet then she blocked me, getting weird accusations towards Neil Peart (that he used... AI to "victimize that aforementioned woman from Denver"), from Catriona Lee Monthieth (Solaris Blueraven) - source: https://www.therushforum.com/index.php?/topic/101489-solaris-blueraven-neil-peart-michael-mosbach-and-mind-control-wtf/page/2/, constantly saying that no females have been fans of Rush.
I would like to verify this band, see if they are nice guys or maybe awful men, like every single man I have encountered. There is also the weird symbolism that as a woman not belonging to those secret boys' clubs, I find plain creepy, even if I'm not religious and never in fact was. (evident on Clockwork Angels and Signals). I'd like to know more, from curiosity, because I still love this band.
For your info, very transparent info, I know every single Rush album. Chronologically: Rush, Fly By Night, Caress of Steel, 2112, A Farewell to Kings, Hemispheres, Permanent Waves, Moving Pictures, Signals, Grace Under Pressure, Power Windows, Hold Your Fire, Presto, Roll the Bones, Counterparts, Test For Echo, Vapor Trails, Feedback, Snakes and Arrows and Clockwork Angels, so you don't misogynistically gatekeep me and prevent me from being a Rush fan. And who have expelled me for what? For telling the truth about what Polish people have gone through over history and talking about Warsaw Uprising (not to be confused with Warsaw Ghetto Uprising everyone knows about)? Let me in, I'm not bad. But I'm yet telling the truth about my adventures with that fandom that claims there are no women and no Polish fans. I have to, after Covid lockdowns I got nothing to lose.
I think I'm not worthy of love, even... many times... that I will never find anybody, because I'm ugly, nobody talks to me in Poland, because of that weird aura "I want my privacy, I won't smile" etc. But maybe it's good, I won't be stigmatized with AIDS and unwanted pregnancy and men have tendencies towards insulting women way too much. At the same time I was told by my Catholic father I should have no boyfriend and such and I gotta stay at the college. Don't ask me about getting a job for a while, until I don't establish myself as a musician, there are "Janusze biznesu" and misogynists there.
BTW, my father is still like Emhyr Var Emreis. Pretends to care about me, but as a lying Catholic, he has something sinister to hide, I suspect. I don't even trust my father, whose family according to my mother, mistreated him and abused him and he doesn't recognize it. I didn't even visit my paternal grandparents for this reason. So he has a grudge against me and my mother. My mother might be biased, but after all she miscarried and I'm her second child, where my grandparents lived, it all happened. I have no siblings, I'm the only child and the only children are stereotyped and hated, so I feel not safe. I'm tired of constant family feuds like this.
Therefore, I never got what I wanted. No warmth, no safety... I thought Rush fandom is gonna provide me warmth, safety, replace my forsaken family members (even Geddy Lee looks like me, could pass as my relative, had I taken DNA test, probably it would be true). I wanted Geddy Lee to be my Geralt of Rivia figure, as I'm musically talented like him and it's destiny. Alas, I got hated, spat on and rejected and I could save myself with forming a Rush tribute band in Poland, if it would be approved. But alas I know that Polish fans are not recognized in the Rush fandom, belittled as "Nazi accomplices", though Poland was a victim. I was blunt and honest this time. I don't know what else my enemies want from me.