Preparing myself for Xmas.

Let's face it. I can yap about how non-religious I am, but I'm still a nostalgic woman.
So, this Christmas was nice, first one at least.
Marry Christmas.

Forgive me, if I can't trust the government and the media.

There is a lot of talk about Holocaust, Communism, etc. but have we ever confronted what we are doing now, in the name of fighting against fifth column or in the name of science? When I'm reading the histories of most modern countries, including America and Poland, human experimentation, even state-funded (talking mostly about America) are still alive. Putin is obviously a terrible guy, just like Xi Jinping, yet have had the West considered the monstrosities?

I'm reading the testimony of this woman right now: https://lynnsart.net/my-story/brief.html

She was trafficked and tortured by the evil men and the collaborationist women. Even civillized countries are capable of these monstrosities. This is why I'm a proud GC feminist, aka radfem. This exact reason. 

Forgive me, if I didn't believe in Covid psychological operation (disease or not, who cares, I won't deny it, nor I care about getting guilt-tripped), I come from a severely traumatized family in Poland who told me that government and the media shouldn't be trusted. Never, ever. Forgive me, if it seems like I'm believing any gossip. There are lots of survivors of rape, trafficking and human vivisection (and yes, I am opposed to the animal vivisections, I don't care about the goods of science) and yet their voices are marginalized. I overtime learned to distrust my family members, especially the extended ones as well, I learned to distrust anybody who is my favorite musician and has some weird accusations (not necessarily true, but Neil Peart was a target of those MK Ultra conspiracies involving what I know now. AI, deep fakes and use of text to speech to imitate somebody's voice, that's what Solaris Blueraven claims, hence why he started hating fans and not allowing Rush fans to ever talk to him, if you know the whole story, but I believe Lynn's story is true, though and Marilyn Manson and Till Lindemann are still targets of sex abuse accusations).

I recently had an unpleasant conversation with my newly-found relative, who is alas a dreadful pop singer (sorry, you blocked me dude because of your bizarre feud with my grandparents [talking about your uncle Janek and his wife, my granny]  you told me I was fake and an impostor, even though I picked one of my aunts on portal for Eastern Borderlands wartime survivors "Kresy" and then you proceeded to badmouth my grandparents and you told me rock and metal are not your kind of music, like my apparent aunt who cursed rock and metal, also you didn't get jokes about Mario and Luigi and the Goombas). He told me he wasn't straight up interested in family's wartime trauma history and derisively told me that I should go to a psychologist. How does he know, I would not receive abuse... from therapists and psychiatrists? They are strangers to me. My apparent relative works in the Polish television and I distrust the television, because it lies. I will never forgive how the Polish television behaved during the PiS govt. takeover and especially during the traumatic Covid lockdowns, so finding out my relative works there feels quite like a knife in my heart.

I won't share their names, as they are alive. But one relative is a dogmatic Catholic, as we know, Vatican keeps so many awful secrets, is one of the biggest child sex abuse hubs and she accused me of being a theistic Satanist, even if I'm actively against this awful religion  (some bad guys use these religions for tortures and is similar to Islam in thinking, as I said, I'm a proud critic of all religions) and the other is a "cool Polak" history-hater, who dogmatically serves the best interests of government and mainstream media. They all should forgive me though for my distrust in majority of institutions.

BTW, Internet is indeed dead, the only alive part is sadly deep web. The surface web is c*apped with AI bizarre content and many people I talk to are bots. The elite obviously wants to replace people, but they still need people to fight for their wars and their interests. Ask Frank Zappa, if he were alive and well.

And let me tell you, project MK ULTRA was real and sadly the exact number of its victims is unknown, due to govt's efforts to cover the numbers up. It also involved lots of sexual abuse. I wouldn't wish it on anybody, especially women or children. Not even on men, to be more clear.

Dlaczego nikt nas nie uczy o mitologii słowiańskiej?

 Zadaję sobie to pytanie często i nie znajdę odpowiedzi. Ale zostawię ten post tak na krótko, żebyście sami zinterpretowali. Nie ukrywam, że mnie historia Słowian zawsze fascynowała. To moje korzenie i pewnie bliżej mi do niego, niż do abrahamicznych religii.

The Internet is dead.

 AI-generated content makes it even worse for real communication. It happened since the COVID lockdowns and continues to this day. To make people care about me, I made a lot of provocative posts, due to my insecurities, I made a lot of dark jokes in front of people and even I wore the devil's mask (ultimately one of my relatives was upset by it). Nope... nothing. No one cares. Internet is full of bots and even my jokes about Polish death camps with my mum (who eventually caught the prank), didn't help me in becoming famous. Sorry folks, if you live and you still feel offended, I'm gonna tell you, that COVID lockdowns messed me up and the possibility I will never make out of my passion for music my way of living made me so dead inside, I had to flock to provocative things in my lifetime. And seeing people being so hateful towards the other people, even my beloved musicians started being hateful, even Rush didn't recognize Polish fans, makes me so hopeless. Am I entering my emo phase? Let me know. Nobody understands me. The world is already conquered by deep fake false accusations against public people, wacko conspiracy theories (frankly, I still hate being guilt-tripped about COVID, though), religious radicals etc. are a plague on this earth. I after all these years, became a legit conspiracy theorist.
I can't even make creepy videos and have views from them. What happened? Not even my positive videos get views!

I prefer not having a job, if it means that I'm gonna be fired from it for my views. My post about social isolation.

 Let's face it. I upset both left and right with my remarks, I upset those who hate JK Rowling and those who want me to be religious and spend my life in churches. I don't know, how far-fetched is the cancel culture, but it made me scared. I was so far cancelled for:
- Being Polish;
- Seeing evil in both left and right;
- Being a GC feminist;
- Not being dogmatic about SJW causes most people stand for, either because I have no influence or I don't like being guilt-tripped;
- Wanting to see less social isolation, more fun, even if modern ideologies dislike it;
- Thinking that nobody should lecture anybody with different experiences about how they lead moral life;
- Being non-religious.
I'm beyond it, at least I try, I might have come across as a hypocrite, but the people around me became so unfriendly, always moralising, pretending to have higher ground than anybody else and I don't really know, if I could have a job these days. Let's face it, most employers look at your effing background check, or as they call it "Social Credit Score", which is absolutely terrifying, what if I were deep faked into something illegal and people would believe I did it? Nowadays most women seem to be falsely convicted of something or falsely accused. And I'm a woman, so I can relate to it.
I wish I lived much earlier, paradoxically, when I could become a rock musician, make a living out of it and I wouldn't have to pay the payola (premium) to the Internet portals to promote myself, because I feel so deeply insecure about my future, due to the egregious political polarization.
So, this is why I have been crying about being excluded from a Rush fandom, for being Polish, disagreeing with Geddy Lee in terms of how Polish people are or even were (some of his concerns may be valid, though), because it felt like Geddy Lee cancelled the whole Polish population, even of those Rush fans. Rush fandom was the only community, where I felt safe and I must admit that: 1). Geddy's polonophobia, 2.) weird conspiracy theories about Neil Peart, 3.) The Runaways' accusations (maybe false, maybe not), drove me to isolating myself from Rush community. I know most of those are rumors, but Geddy's hatred against Poland (instilled into him by his parents), was not a rumor, sadly. It's so terrifying that I live outside of Canada and The US, so that I can't experience the goods of being a real Rush fan, living in Poland, having to deal with dogmatically Catholic family members of mine, who just now falsely accused me of satanism, because of my artistic expression, feels definitely extremely isolating (but remember, not all Poles are Catholic or at least dogmatically Catholic). And social isolation leads to many diseases, just like smoking or drinking. Which is terribly fearful for me. And now with heightened anti-female hatred, deep fakes, AI taking over step by step people's job, I wonder, if I should get a job, or lead my usual life of studying at the college. Because I dislike modern society so much, especially after COVID lockdowns, which made me more "hysterical", if I can say this. Not mentally ill, but I'd like to scream as a singer, because my intragenerational trauma of wars and Communism and social exclusion and isolation make me feel terrified and upset, so that I slowly regret living in Poland and being born here. Silesia is even more constricting. A lot of neighbors would never allow me to play instruments and I would have to ask for permission of the bureaucrats to play music, e.g. on the streets.
My sense of humor and my darkest jokes possible, seem to be my cope with my awful life.
TL;DR I dislike my life and I hope someone changes my mind. >:( :(

Tęsknie się za zespołem Rush.

 Jakoś nie mogę się otrząsnąć ze śmierci Neila Pearta. Czekałam przez długi czas na ich koncert w Polsce. Niestety Rush nie wystąpił i mnie to mocno smuci. Pamiętam, jak dostałam książkę "Wandering the Face of the Earth" na urodziny i przeczytałam ze str. 426, że Geddy Lee bardzo w Polsce chciał wystąpić, ale niestety odradzali mu organizatorzy. Ech, tylko po to, aby w swojej autobiografii "My Effin' Life", którą też mam, mógł popsioczyć na Polaków? Od 2012 bodajże roku, jestem potworną fanką Rush i to się nie zmieniło. Bardzo mi przykro z tego powodu, że już nigdy nie ujrzę ich. Ale może jest iskierka nadzei? Geddy zawita jako sprzedawca książek do Polski albo muzyk solowy albo Alex Lifeson zawita do Polski z Envy of None? Należy mieć nadzieję.

Otrzymuję jakieś absurdalne oskarżenia o satanizm, ze względu na moją sztukę.

 Martwię się, że niektórzy ludzie nie znają czegoś takiego jak wolność artystyczna, to zawarte jest w polskim prawie oraz konstytucji.
Tak więc, mam parę humorystycznych filmików z maską diabła. Jakby ktoś nie wiedział, zrobiłam alegorię do dzisiejszej dystopii politycznej, panującej na tym świecie. Nic osobliwego, nie miało to podtekstów religijnych. Niestety zaliczyłam też nieprzyjemną rozmowę z moją krewniaczką, która jest gorliwie religijna. Dla żartów ryczałam jak typowy wokalista deathmetalowy przy niej i zobaczyła diabełka (to był żart praktyczny o deep fake'ach, w sensie, każdego twarz może być wklejona, a żeby chronić prywatność, każdy musiałby maskę diabła nałożyć). Oto link: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/sX2MiAdV550
No i się obrzydziła mną, chyba. Ten brak możliwości dogadania się mnie martwi i troszkę poświęcę co nieco odnośnie moich więzów rodzinnych. Gdyby mnie znała, wiedziałaby, że mam skłonności do trollowania ludzi, którzy o wszystko się obrażają.

Moje więzy rodzinne są mocno osłabione, ze względu na takie czynniki jak: religia i stopień gorliwości, traumatyczne przeżycia mojej rodziny oraz chęć zachowania prywatności. Nie winię mojej mamy i innych członków rodziny, że tak się złożyło, że te więzy rodzinne zostały osłabione, choć miałam żal co do tego.
Wiedząc o tym, że zostanę oskarżona fałszywie o satanizm przez niektórych członków rodziny, tudzież zmuszana do wyznawania wiary katolickiej, mogłam się domyślić, dlaczego tak się stało.
Mam wiadomość do tych, którzy czytają mojego bloga: Z SATANIZMEM NIE MAM NIC WSPÓLNEGO, BRZYDZĘ SIĘ TYM WYZNANIEM, WIELU KRYMINALISTÓW POSŁUGIWAŁO SIĘ SATANIZMEM, JAKO WYMÓWKĄ DO GWAŁCENIA, TORTUROWANIA I ZABIJANIA LUDZI. Przykładem jest przypadek mężczyzny z Łodzi, pseudo-artysty odpowiedzialnego za ideologię zaczynającą się na "zombie", który zamordował własną sąsiadkę.
Ale żeby nie być gołosłowną, są też ludzie, którzy wyznają satanizm albo dla żartów, albo bo tak im się podoba i niekoniecznie są złymi ludźmi, pedofilami, zoofilami, mordercami itd. Albo twierdzą, że wyznają satanizm, ze względów artystycznych. Ja się do takich osób nie doliczam, ale jestem ateistką/agnostyczką. Nie wstydzę się tego, bynajmniej.
Należy pamiętać, że np. OUN-UPA robiła Polakom, to czego sataniści by nigdy nie zrobili, a dziadek Jan przeżył agresję Ukraińców. Kim oni byli? PRAWOSŁAWNYMI? UKRAIŃSKIMI KATOLIKAMI?
300 tortur... mówią, że tylko sataniści mogliby na takie pomysły wpaść. A jak widać, należy znać historię (ale nie nienawidzić dzisiejszych Ukraińców).
Jeśli idzie o mnie, uwielbiam muzykę heavymetalową, czasem sobie death metalu i black metalu posłucham, jestem multiinstrumentalistką, może kiedyś sobie nagram EPkę blackmetalową.
Pamiętam, jak powiedziałam przez FB Nergalowi, żeby kiedyś spalił Koran, Talmud (akurat ta książka nie była przeze mnie przy Nergalu wspomniana) i inne takie książki, skoro jest odważny (oczywiście popierając jego wolność artystyczną w kwestii palenia Biblii, sama będąc niewierzącą), to on się obraził i mówił coś o "matce, która mnie wys*ała" i zablokował.
Ten koleś naprawdę za grosz transparentności ma, ja bym poszła dalej, ale uważam, że to niezgodne z prawem i każdy ma prawo wierzyć w co chce, ale nikt nie ma prawa mordować.
Jestem poniekąd ochrzczona jako Katoliczka, czego żałuję, z uwagi na skandale pedofilskie. Brzydzę się zarówno religiami jak i satanizmem i proszę mieć to na uwadze.
Moja mama mnie wspiera (jak na kogoś, kto ma traumę międzypokoleniową) i mówiła, że mam pełne prawo do wolności ekspresji i wolności artystycznej.
Także, oczekujcie ode mnie nowego albumu muzycznego.
Na zakończenie powiem, że wszystkie religie abrahamiczne w swoich radykalnych wersjach, zawsze nieuchronnie prowadzą do wojen (czy to Islam, Chrześcijaństwo, czy Judaizm). Jeśli ktoś musi wierzyć, niech wyznaje łagodniejsze i mniej mizoginistyczne formy tych religii.

I have officially the worst sense of humor.

 This essay is gonna be short.
So, I got the worst sense of humor and don't even try competing with me.
I make a lot of darkest jokes possible, e,g. about my country, Poland (even though I know Poland mostly was victimized), about myself, my own womanhood (self-hating, I know), about my music, about everything connected with me and it becomes stronger, anytime something upsets me or e.g. I have troubles with the Rush fandom or Rush's crew.
It happens usually because of combination of different things:
- low self-esteem;
- pressure from my parents to be educated and stuff;
- being Polish, my biggest complex to the date;
- the whole world being dystopian and obsessed with pronography;
- not being able to become a successful rock and metal musician;
- COVID lockdowns;
- worldwide anti-female hatred via deepfakes, hate crimes like rape, murder and stuff;
And many other reasons. Can just anybody relate to me? I binge watched Gilbert Gottfried, George Carlin, Jessica Kirson and many other worst and most distasteful comedians. I binge watch comedy, that's why I'm like that, I also used to watch vulgar parodies made with IVONA text to speech on YouTube before the COVID lockdowns and it was something that brainrotted me and made me less stressful.
I believe that because I'm a woman, perhaps I have worse sense of humor, than anybody, I ended up being blocked and afterwards being depressed about it, but I can't help myself, I gotta crack some worst jokes (but without going into gore stuff and whatnot, because it's awful).

Why is it so difficult for Geddy Lee to understand certain historical context about Poland? My Effin' Life short analysis.

 So, having read My Effin' Life book by Geddy Lee, I noticed some inconsistencies in his writings:
1. Geddy Lee thinks Poles during the Communist times were all evil antisemites who denied his parents' their way home;
2. Geddy Lee overlooks Polish Rush fans, for this reason;
3. Geddy Lee doesn't mention at all the Polish suffering during the German and Russian occupations;
So, let me clarify certain points I made. There was a documented evidence that Communists were using the same methods like Nazis, I'd call it "early deepfakes", they all pretended to be the Polish soldiers, Nazis in my town of Gliwice, pretended to be the Polish soldiers, who devastated the Gliwice radio station and Communists, according to Edward Reid's article about Kielce Pogrom, which is close to the truth and he's not a Holocaust denier at all, but I would still wait for excavations, I don't want to think all Poles were innocent, you know what they did? They larped as Home Army's soldiers, who shouted pro-AK slogans and then shot Jews, effectively encouraging them to the mass emigration. Not saying, there weren't some Polish collaborators, but they were marginal, as German Nazis did everything so that the Poles do the dirty work for them and become divided. Many Polish Rush fans waited for the concert in Poland and many (including me), cried about this situation, Geddy made us Rush fans from Poland, constantly stressed-out and self-hating. And the saddest thing is that because of his ethnocentrism, he will never mention the ethnically Polish survivors of German aggression, Russian aggression and Ukrainian aggression, I can't deal with his lack of education in this field, as a longtime Rush fan.
I'd encourage Geddy Lee to familiarize himself with Polish people, especially longtime Rush fans, I challenge him to the bass and keyboards battle, because I also play those instruments and I hope Geddy will be more like Jesse Eisenberg.

It would be decent to apologize to Neil Peart's sister.

 So, I have a very bizarre story. I remember clearly how it was. I felt so awfully forsaken by Rush members, I started wondering, if they are really good people, like they are painted by their fans. I couldn't and I still can't get along with the lack of concert in Poland. I noticed one upsetting article about... The Runaways, the all-female band feuding with Rush... over the alleged bullying incidents from the side of Rush. I was deeply upset, as an aspiring female musician, who got expelled from many rock bands, due to my "ugly voice" and "ugly looks". I confronted some Rush fans about it and there came... Nancy Peart Burkholder, Neil Peart's sister. She was like all defensive towards Rush, even though they were to some degree at fault. I told her "Nancy, how do I know if Rush is a band consisting of good men? I never met them!". Nancy told me "they are very good men, you don't need any proof". I told her then "but Geddy hates Poland, as I read on My Effin' Life", Nancy responded "he is entitled to". I didn't get what she said, since Poland was actually invaded by Nazi Germany and not the other way around and I discussed about Poland's controversies in the other posts of mine. So I went off rails... and I started outright trolling her, pretending to hate Poland, wishing Poland death and Putin-made destruction, all because I was upset with her. Testoviron told the same bollocks about Poland, so it's normal. She felt weirded out and... she blocked me on Facebook. But why did she respond to my comment, when I told people "I don't know, if my favorite band Rush is so crystal clear". It's like with criticizing Poles for certain historical events that apparently happened and I discusses about them. Many Poles for the same reason also get offended, and sociologically-wise, it's an interesting phenomenon. OK, I'm waiting to apologize to Nancy Peart Burkholder, but again, I get falsely accused to threatening Rush crew, even though the ONLY ONE THING I WANT IS TO BRING GEDDY AND ALEX TO POLAND AS MUSICIANS OR BOOK VENDORS, NOTHING ELSE!
Period!

I just watched "how to be miserable forever" videos.

And frankly, I don't care, anymore. I lost a glimpse of happiness I could have, because of my very existence in Poland, which is the most neurotic country I have ever known of, extremely rigid, especially regarding women (but I still think I would be worse off in Muslim countries). Everybody just hates my country, especially Geddy Lee, who wrote his biography depicting all of us Poles as literal monsters towards his nation. And Rush was one of the few things that have me happiness, actual happiness. But Geddy doesn't care about his Polish fans, does he? He would rather see us Poles being nuked by Putin... and he falsely supported Ukraine. I will miss the days, when I hung out with Rush fans, instead of being sorta depressed and sitting behind the screen all day. But I must admit, people (esp. men) IRL are being extreme jerks to me, always using vulgar words. I want to explain that Poles just got intragenerational trauma from wars and communism, but sometimes I just can't. I demand courtesy and some smiles or some interesting hobbies from them. I cannot even form my dreamed about band, which would sound like I aim to make it sound... how can I live? BTW, Covid lockdowns made me worse than ever.

Why do I have to censor myself, to be accepted in the music industry?

 Let's face it, I want to be a famous rock and metal musician, so badly. I spend my whole life, daydreaming about it. And that prevailed since when I was a teenager.
Unfortunately, I cannot find a band, due to my specific taste in music (I love Rush and any rock band with banshee, Janis Joplin-like voices), due to the fact, most men (so far I couldn't find women to my band), didn't want to get along or wanted something extra that I couldn't provide for them, because it was traumatizing and not suitable for Polish conditions and some of them, lived too far away from my city (or maybe town). So, I'm left out with my own multi-instrumental skills, I'm playing guitar, bass, drums, keyboards, I sing and I want to have my stage name I told some of you about, but now I'm not gonna make it obvious. I want to be the part of the music industry, very much. But I met with a lot of obstacles so far.
I'm not really certain, if they would accept me there, because .e.g I'm a woman, I'm from Poland, they might find my views unacceptable, they might tell me that there is no profit from my music, AI might be "better" than me, according to the music industry or accidentally I might sound way too much like my beloved band Rush. Sorry, but voice-wise, it's just coincidental, I happen to have a bit similar voice either to Geddy Lee or to Jon Anderson of Yes or to some degree Janis Joplin. I have that throaty, nasally at times contralto and they for some stupid reason remarked that "you sound like a 13 year old boy". I don't know why, my voice is very weird, it wasn't enhanced by AI. No, nothing. That's my voice, apparently.
So, I'm gonna try describing what kind of political views won't be accepted by the music industry, I presume. First, it's gonna be the right-wing and many forms of it, like alt-right, neo-nazism etc. I accepted it, I was fine with it, even if I like debating right-wing folks, due to my belief in free speech (but if they tried violating anybody, they wouldn't be free of consequences). If you count some hunters, fishers and gun rights activists, trust me, not all of them are misogynistic and James Hetfield, Avril Lavigne, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock seem to do fine. I'm myself pretty centre-left or centrist (sometimes centre-right under a few conditions). Second, gender-critical feminism, derisively called "TERFism". JK Rowling did nothing wrong, of course I don't approve of violating trans people, but some of them are either aggressive activists or AGP fetishists who think being a woman is just a clown costume. So, I'm gonna admit, here you are, I'm a gender-critical feminist. Third, I'm sure they wouldn't approve of Polish patriots, because they all believe that Polish patriotism is far-right, even though we were occupied by Nazi Germany, which was far-right. So, where's the logic? I'm a Polish patriot, even if I have some oikophobic doubts and I'm not gonna shy away from such doubts I have, because truthfully, I would reather be born into the non-misogynistic, peaceful world without countries and borders ("Imagine". Haha, I'm more like an Esperantist, than John Lennon's aficionado, even though I like his music very much, shame about his treatment of his wife Cynthia).
So let me move to the next section. I'm sure that music industry wouldn't accept my looks. Obviously I don't look like a Barbie, I have a big nose, like a bird's beak (don't imply I approve of everything Zionists [NOTE: I'm not pro-Palestinian, either] or cancel culture aficionados do, because of that), dark hair, crooked teeth with cavities (I gotta go to the dentist and fix the cavities, maybe not the crooked teeth, as Asians find them cute), small breasts (I think so), small height (I'm a bit of a dwarf, 158 cm) and I was told I look like Geddy Lee, which sounds to me like a compliment. Whew, I wrote a lot about my effing complexes, but enough for now. I admittedly won't use much make-up (maybe sometimes, if I felt like it), because I think patriarchy pressures women to look the certain, non-individualistic ways. Karolina Żebrowska on YouTube talked about how beauty standards changed over the years. Men used to find even "fat" women attractive, back then, so what are we talking about? Nowadays in Mauritania, girls are overfed and abused, because men find "fat" women attractive.
Anyways, my biggest fear is to meet some Harvey Weinstein-like or P. Diddy-like personalities in the music industry, who would take the advantage of me and that's why I'm reluctant to pursue my musical career, even though I feel like the clock is ticking, because now I'm 24 and I might waste my life by overthinking. My piercing voice won't be there forever, probably. But I hope it's not the case. Fortunately, I got my blog for this stuff. And I can vent any time I want.
The music industry, undeniably is full of corruption, chauvinistic men hating women and wanting to destroy women who want to pursue their careers (I can't believe some men are defensive about these monsters, even my dad always disagrees with me, when I speak about it, but he claims he is open to new perspectives, then OK), using satanism as an excuse to conduct in very criminal ways, full of nepotism, willingness to control the musicians, who signed to their labels and mental misery and hatred. I wish things were different.
So my question is: "Why do I have to censor myself to be accepted in the music industry?" Do they have something to hide from newcomers or what?
So, perhaps, I would have to utilize the Internet, but due to the fact, how YouTube is getting exposed for stealing composers' music and suing the composers for "stealing someone else's music", I would have to cease using YouTube, unless for small vlogs. SoundCloud is possibly corrupted like this, so I'm gonna use the Bandcamp or any Polish music filehosting website, like Szarpidrut.
I would hope to make it in the Polish music industry, but despite being native Polish, I find it vastly difficult to sing in Polish and I'm gonna make the next blog post about the language I want to sing in.
I hope some readers would refer to what I wrote here.

I thought I outgrew my oikophobia. Well, almost, with "buts" and "ifs".

 Let's face it. I always felt the inferiority complexes due to me being Polish. Poland was certainly a victimized country and due to all of this, Poland became a backwards country. Nowadays, it's apparently not even the case, Poland isn't much of a backwards country. OK, so I'm gonna state the reasons why I felt and to some degree I still feel inferiority complexes about my country.
First, Poland is a deeply religious country, not really thinking about allowing other religions (due to the fact my negative attitude towards abrahamic religions is well-known, I'm gonna mention my beliefs), like atheism, agnosticism, paganism etc. Correct me, if I'm wrong and I'm falsely accusing Poland, because it seems like there is some degree of tolerance. Yet I met some Catholic proselytizers here. Second, Polish men have misogynistic tendencies here, spreads lies via Internet and real life about women being "promiscuous" etc. It's not false accusation, I met men (and pick-me women sometimes) like this, who wouldn't stand by women. Third, I observe some lack of self-awareness, when it comes to what some Poles did to the ethnic or religious minorities (that's for you, Geddy Lee, but still, you prefer dehumanizing the whole Polish population, including myself, who haven't done anything wrong and that's why I'm defensive). While I advocate for excavations of many anti-Jewish pogroms, as those people frankly, guilt-trip Poles and perhaps want reparations from Poland (of course, I got nothing against Jewish Holocaust survivors, getting their own houses back, if proven, but I feel like there is some hostility going on against Poland from their part), I believe that Polish people would have to deal with it, if again, those excavations proved the Poles to be the sole perpetrators. Of course, there is a possibility that Germany orchestrated the pogroms and the Soviet Russia also orchestrated Kielce pogrom, but I don't believe all nations are saint. Not even the Poles. Yet I have to complain about the hypocrisy of Poland-hating Jewish people (I can sympathize with their trauma, but do they see themselves in the mirror?). Most of them, wouldn't have anything against killing Palestinians. Yes, I do recognize that Hamas raped and killed Jewish women and as a feminist, I absolutely condemn it, it's horrifying to think that those men did those crimes in the name of Palestinian freedom or Islamic religion, but many human rights organizations have severely criticized the Israelis for multiple human rights violations. E.g. Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch. And if you folks, wanted to know, why am I upset at Rush and Geddy Lee, is because they decided to punish modern Poles with the lack of concert in Poland. I don't believe that in case if Geddy Lee's parents had such trauma from some nasty Polish people, Poles wouldn't empathize and just say "humans are awful towards one another". With this perspective, I absolutely agree. I'm able to notice the exaggerations and even outright lies made by the pro-Palestinians, who also tend to idealize Palestinians and other Arabs, but I'd wish for real peace, no wars and I will continue having quasi-hippie views, a little bit mixed with pro-patriotic (but able to see the shortcomings of Poland) and survivalist (I'm a woman, women are very often victimized and I don't wanna be a victim) views, but I don't like, how many Jewish people are killing their legacy as pro-peace, anti-genocide people, thanks to the far-right politicians like Netanyahu, Gantz, Ben Gvir etc.
Again, as for my oikophobia, I thought I outgrew such feelings, because in many other countries, women have about the same or even worse, e.g. in the radical Muslim countries, many patriarchal countries like e.g. USA or Russia, women have it same or worse than in Poland, in many countries, there were worse genocides than in Poland or perpetrated by the Poles and I don't need to feel guilty about being Polish, it enhances my deadly cortisol-levels, as I want to live a stress-free life, full of concerts, entertainment, good friends (if I got any), positive vibes, not negative vibes etc.
And that is my conclusion.

I don't know who is my friend or enemy, anymore.

 This essay is going to be short.
I noticed the times, which could be only described by George Orwell's 1984.
Extreme political polarization, cancel culture, unwillingness to listen to the other side.
Seriously, people... what happened to this world?
Are politicians trying to enslave or depopulate people or what?
Since Covid lockdowns and before, in 2016, I observe cancel culture, deep fakes made to smear women, especially perhaps I will fall the victim, I hope not. But I will sue anybody who tries doing it, because I really hate pornography and the illegal conduct against children/animals/women and even men. I'm saying it, because in the nearest future, I'm gonna be a public person - a rock musician and I don't want my reputation to be ruined nor I'm willing to ruin others' reputation, I wish people changed themselves.
JK Rowling is literally being hated for no reason and skeletons in her closet are found against her, even though, she doesn't have any. And so, for fun, I'm finding the same things about my beloved band Rush, because so far, so good, I'm angry about their lack of concert in Poland and to be honest, I found them to be unfriendly towards fans and poor people, correct me, if I'm wrong. I also don't want to ruin their reputation, as a Polish Rush fan. Well, if I condemned male celebrities, I would be told "separate art from an artist", but when anybody condemns female celebrities, it's fine.
When will it change? Any idea?

COVID lockdowns sucked.

 I'm not gonna shy away from stating this. COVID lockdowns sucked.
Xi Jinping used COVID to extend his influence in the whole wide world and there is ample evidence for this. Even pozzed CNN (I dislike Fox News as well), there is an article about it:
https://edition.cnn.com/2024/03/07/china/two-sessions-security-control-china-intl-hnk/index.html
And that war between vaxxed vs unvaxxed was an exaggeration. Like come on, if you took the vaccine, fine, but some folks were afraid of the bad outcomes of the vaccine, some said they actually had the awful side effects from it, sued the companies, because of it and there is nothing wrong with it, as the vaccine according to some researchers (I'm not willing to spread medical misinformation, though), was rushed.
Of course, I don't endorse the anti-vaxx attitudes, I was vaccinated for many diseases, but I understand that some folks hated COVID vaccines.
And the states had no right to prevent the unvaccinated people from travelling, going to the concerts, having their jobs, it was all unconsitutional. Besides, there is a lot of evidence that hospitals mistreated patients, especially those who had other diseases, but apparently were positive of COVID. I won't elaborate on it, because I was lucky to never have frequented the hospitals.
Meanwhile in China, Uyghur people are placed in concentration camps and raped and maybe even killed. China isn't different from Nazi Germany in this regard. They might argue that they want to reeducated Muslims (I know they are insanely misogynistic, but still not a valid excuse for abusing them), but China seemingly can't confront their own past and is no different than Japan in this regard.
Also, I do quite understand people who compared the COVID lockdowns... to the Nazi times. Sorry, Nazis were insane about the typhus measures and they blamed the Jews for it. Likewise during COVID period e.g. unvaccinated people were blamed (fairly, or maybe unfairly, but doctors made money off the COVID positive results in patients who had other diseases than COVID). I also will try to empathize with people, who said that "you ought not to compare COVID to the Nazi times", because it feels like the trivialization of the Holocaust, which is trauma trigger for many people who survived the Holocaust and their descendants, although I met some Holocaust survivors and their descendants who claimed that COVID lockdowns mirrored the Nazi regime.
COVID lockdowns traumatized me, I was going insane, I fell the victim of cyberbullying during those insane times, because I belonged to some obscure forum of those who suffer of body dysmorphic disorder and somebody laughed at the photos of my face. I'm glad I saw the shortcomings of that forum and I stopped attending this. But I started having severe meltdowns at my house over it and I could have ended worse off. Fortunately, I stopped that and I started working on my mental health, a bit.
I frequently argued with my parents and people on the Internet, but now it's curbed down and I'm glad. I'm glad that there are no lockdowns anymore and I could frequent concerts and jam sessions. I'm glad to be back in my old self, a little bit and I'm happy that I can rejoice my nostalgia, I even went to the zoo, recently and I was happy to see all those happy children and some nice animals (I think the zoo needs a bit more funding for the new places for the animals).
Don't you ever guilt-trip me people who read all of my posts, because I truly don't care.
Thank you.

My real opinion on Israeli-Palestinian war (and Russo-Ukrainian war).

 I'm tired of not being able to speak about the whole thing. I'm so tired about the patriarchal, usually male politicians waging wars, constantly, in the name of stupid, Abrahamic, tired, same old, middle-ages religions. Henceforth, I think like a pagan-minded atheist and agnostic, although my beliefs might change and if I get convinced, I maybe will become Jewish (but I don't believe in G-d). And I gotta speak about it.
So first, what do I think about the Israeli-Palestinian war?
OK, so first, I'm gonna be HARSH.
Israeli Jews (usually them, but also some Christian allies) are murdering Palestinians. I'm not shying away from saying this, even as a potential descendant of Jewish people from Poland. I would be definitely ashamed of it, as a human, as a human rights activist, as a pacifist, as an Esperantist (L.L. Zamenhof was a Jewish-Polish guy who invented this beautiful language). I'm so awfully upset about most Jewish folks killing their legacy as human rights activists, Holocaust survivors and their descendants. It makes me feel ashamed to be Jewish, if there is that possibility, likewise I felt ashamed of Polish-made atrocities e.g. against Jews (still, waiting for excavations, but well...).
But... there is one problem. I AM A FEMINIST! RADICAL FEMINIST! Also not ashamed of stating it. I find it difficult to provide support for the struggle of Palestinians, as they are endorsing Islam, the ultimately woman-killing, homosexual-killing, non-believer-killing religion and I hope that the Polish state won't allow way too many radical islamist migrants, as I'm afraid for my own safety as an atheist-agnostic woman, who exercises her right to self-expression.
Don't expect me to be crazy about virtue-signalling, as I find atrocities from both sides.
That's why I said I DISLIKE the guilt-tripping wokeists from both sides.
I saw Rush being boycotted by the pro-Palestinians, who act like my hated organization - PETA, even more gradually. I don't approve of that and I will make sure that my favourite band Rush feels safe, if they meet me. Pro-Palestinians often unknowingly endorse the discrimination against e.g. LGBT people (I'm a GC feminist, but I have to speak out about the mistreatment of homosexual and gender-noncomforming people, while acknowledging sex as being biological) and by endorsing Islam and radical Muslims from Hamas and Hezbollah, they are victimizing women, who feel stuck between rock and a hard place, on one hand, Israeli soldiers, on the other hand, Palestinian men who hate women and wish nothing but the worst.
As for Russo-Ukrainian war long story short, I believe Ukrainians are sadly getting killed by the Russians now, as Russians continue playing with the "nazi" card, I don't approve of this, nor I do approve of Putin's war crimes. Yet I have to say that Azov is indeed a neo-nazi tied organization, Ukrainian UPA used to victimize a lot of Polish (and Jewish and Armenian and Czech) people and many Ukrainians are denying it. Still, it's not a legitimisation for Putin to kill Ukrainians, like in Bucha massacre and to rape Ukrainians as well (especially women and children).
Anyway, debate with me, if you can and don't falsely accuse me of being pro-Israeli or pro-Palestinian (and pro-Russian or pro-Ukrainian, though many of us Poles are pro-Ukrainian).
I have a lot of enemies, sadly.
Peace and love, that's all I could say and I wish both Israel and Palestine got along with each other and I say, STOP GENOCIDE, CEASEFIRE AND TWO STATE SOLUTION. I don't endorse "from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free" messaging, nor Hamas' atrocities. I also don't appreciate the Israeli warcrimes and Netanyahu's far-right regime. And I wish both Russia and Ukraine could get along.
NI ESPERU POR LA PACO KAJ AMO! I will finish it with the Esperanto call to peace.

My family were survivors of Nazi and Communist atrocities.

 Whenever I talk to the foreigners, they often have difficulties with empathizing with me, probably due to the fact that they believe Poles weren't victims, but accomplices. This is evidenced by the fact that I have Jewish and other westerner (from many Western European countries, as well as American and Canadian) friends and some of them don't understand that Polish people were through my family, I will prove them that it's not true.
I often feel like I can't tell the whole story, because I didn't listen to my grandmother, when she told her story, I hope my cousins and my uncle from my mom's side can help me with clarifying her story, as I'm since getting used to the politics and history, deeply interested in it. My father claimed that his grandfather, didn't tell many stories, but he was one of the wartime heroes. Same with my great-grandfather from my mother's side.
So, to tell the whole story, step by step:
- My maternal grandfather Jan Nesterowicz was a survivor of Volhynian massacre and successfully avoided getting drafted to the German army as a Belarusian, using many subterfuges in front of German Nazis. He saw the monstrosities that Ukrainians did and his good Ukrainian friend warned him about it, and he ran away. Allegedly none of his family died, some moved to Armenia (he was actually rumoured to be of Armenian descent and I noticed that Stefan Nesterowicz was an Armenian merchant, possibly he was related to me), some to Russia and some to Ukraine, ironically (I need clarifications from my cousins and uncle). And likewise, Geddy Lee's father, he pretended and bribed German Nazi soldiers, so they would leave them alone, they believe he was their ally, but it wasn't true. Sometimes one has to lie to survive. Trivia: I bear after him my last name.
He had severe post-war trauma and he continued having severe bloody nightmares from the occupation, especially Volhynia Ukrainian-made anti-Polish massacres;
- My maternal grandmother Mira Nesterowicz, nee Kucińska was rumoured to have Jewish descent and she was deadly afraid of the German Nazi soldiers, she ran away through the hops fields with a llama from the Warsaw Zoo in Masovian Voivodeship, as she was severely sick during that time and had a fever. It's believed that my great-grandparents aren't even related to her, she was possibly adopted (I need my family for clarifications), she then was denied education for the criticism of the Communist regime and didn't pass the Matura exam, fortunately they didn't violate her much, other Poles had it worse;
As for rumoured Jewish descent, she told me about her Jewish-sounding last name and I found this in Mława genealogy: https://www.wikitree.com/genealogy/BROMBERG. My mom told me, everything is accurate. But she claimed that there were some Germans in her family (she was trying to deflect that) and she might have been threatened with Volkslist and burn the whole village, if didn't comply (nah, applies to the Jewish people more and her last name was definitely Jewish, there were rumours about the Jewish girl in the Kuciński's house, talking about my great-grandparents, but my great-grandmother, Helena was rumoured not to be Mira's mother, even... sigh...).
She couldn't stop talking about the trauma she faced... alas I didn't listen to her wartimes stories, as I was afraid of the politics and history talks, because it led to the verbal arguments, at least at my school, it gave me some "modern" trauma, as I like to call it;
- My maternal great-grandfather, Jan Kuciński was a Polish Home Army soldier, fought against German Nazis (for what my mother I think told me, he was snitched by his acquaintice, not sure if of Polish descent or Jewish, if so, then Anne Frank was snitched by her fellow people as well), his adventures were depicted in the Polish book called "Pod Kryptonimem Wkra", alas I don't possess this book, maybe someone else in my family does and as he was captured by the Communists for his collaboration with Home Army, he witnessed his friend being shot by the Communists. But he signed the loyalty agreement and thus he avoided being killed. He is rumoured to be directly related to my grandmother from my mum's side.
- My paternal great-grandfather - Władysław Garula, fought in the Polish legions and fought against German Nazis in the September campaign. He's got the entry as well. Alas allegedly, hope it's not true, but according to my mother, my paternal family didn't take care of him, as he was getting older and kept him in the barn. Thus my mom doesn't really like my father's side of my family and thus I never interacted with my paternal grandparents. But I still hope for reconciliation.
I'm speaking about it for many reasons:
- Geddy Lee defames virtually all Polish people and thinks all Poles were German Nazi accomplices and refused to perform in Poland. I understand his and his family's trauma, I think there were some jerks among the Polish population, but still no reason to think all Poles were like that, many Poles were simply afraid of the Germans back then as well as Russians, Ukrainians, Lithuanians, Austrians etc.;
- I'm tired of having to explain that Poles were also the victims to many people who have no clue about my country and my own people;
- The neo-nazi, pro-German propaganda about WWII is getting stronger, whether on YouTube or on imageboards I happened to read and even troll some folks there, to see their reaction to the Polish folks;
- I think one ought to remember the history and not to deny it (although as you know, I'm not in favor of punishing with jail-time anybody who have their own views on historical events, as I love free speech);
- Polish people are still Polish, regardless, if they have Armenian, Jewish, Ukrainian, Belarusian, Lithuanian, German relatives, we were such a multi-cultural country, some politicians forget about it. But I don't blame them for wanting to spare the misogynistic and pedophillic tendencies in some migrants, as a centrist;
Yet, I have to quote Wincenty Lutosławski, a famed Pole in this regard:

The Polish nation includes Polonized Germans, Tatars, Armenians, Gypsies, and Jews 
if they live for the common ideal of Poland. (…) 
A black or red-skinned person can become a true Pole if he adopts the spiritual heritage of the Polish nation, 
contained in its literature, art, politics, customs, 
and if he has an unwavering will to contribute to the development of the national existence of Poles.

And if I become famous as a rock/metal musician, please, listen to my story, it's true.

How did I start being a Rush fan (and how Rush is slowly forsaking me and disappointing me).

 So, everybody knows that I'm a big Rush fan. Unironically, transparently a Rush fan, as anybody has noticed perhaps. So, I'm gonna tell you, how I became a Rush fan and how this band is slowly disappointing me.
Back when I was a kid, I liked the band called "Budgie". Budgie was insanely popular in Poland, the radio called "Trójka", which means "3", intensely promoted this band, and henceforth Budgie perfomed in Poland so many times. It was as well rumoured that Burke Shelley had Polish relatives (according to Wiesław Weiss, it's apparently true). Their last performance had to happen in 2010, yet it turned out, Burke Shelley was unable to, because he had developed aortic aneurysm, which ultimately led to his death in 2022.
I started then looking for a replacement band to console myself in this extremely hard situation. And seemingly I found one - the Canadian progressive rock band called "Rush". As I listened to "Working Man" and "Tom Sawyer" back in 2011, I was deeply amazed. I first knew about Rush back in 2009, but I thought the singer sounds too much like Cher. But that was apparently Geddy Lee and his aged voice. That was possible contributor to their retirement. Yet, I always wondered one little thing:
WHY DIDN'T THEY PLAY IN POLAND?!
As I hung out with Rush fans from Poland, they all in real life, cried to me that "GEDDY LEE HATES POLAND", those little buzzwords I could meet with, when I attended any progressive rock events in Poland, organized by e.g. Piotr Kosiński and the other former Trójka radio DJs. I thought of them as dirty rumours that had no place in reality, the "he said, she said" type. I was vehemently angry with those people, who kept spreading lies like this, yet I anxiously looked for any ample evidence for those egregious statements made by a few men who interacted with me, regarding all my favorite bands. This particular event that traumatized me, happened in 2018, when I saw YES-ARW live in Warsaw. Yes, that band with Jon Anderson, Trevor Rabin and Rick Wakeman. The guy named Wojtek told me this exact thing that "GEDDY LEE HATES POLAND". He sorta looked like that YouTube channel guy named "coverkillernation" and he was unfortunately very memorable with those remarks.
But I was meeting with those notions in 2013, when I attended the Internet meetings on the Polish Rush forum (non-existent now), called "hemispheres.pl" and "forum.hemispheres.pl", somewhere on Wayback Machine it's available. And everybody was crying there about "NEIL PEART HATING POLAND, JUST LIKE GEDDY LEE, ACC. TO RUMOURS", because he wrote that unfortunate essay called "Shunpikers in the Shadowlands", where he apparently defamed Poland and my reaction was that I was really emotionally exhausted by this, yet I continued not to believe any rumours, as I read somewhere in his book that he felt compassion towards the Poles, because of Communist times Poland faced. So I conveniently ignored that.
Later, when there were COVID lockdowns and I was extremely bored, I found so many bizarre conspiracy theories about Neil Peart being... a "child abductor", made by Mark Zahn (Liberator on Google groups) and "MK Ultra aficionado" by Solaris Blueraven. Well, that was extremely scary you folks must consider, as everything people suspected about Adam Britton or Jeffrey Epstein, turned out to be true. And as for that accusation made by Solaris Blueraven, no matter how false it is, let's face it, AI is taking over the world and taking away jobs from us people. Neil Peart also seemed to write all the transhumanist lyrics that weren't to many people obvious. There is a website called "egodeath" though, that stated that Neil Peart was just writing about his experiences with LSD. But ultimately, Neil Peart wasn't convicted (well, mind you I distrust most men, so my mindset is "I gotta wait for more evidence", but yet, I'm not gonna lynch him, anyways - besides he passed away, alas). Apparently these things contributed to Neil Peart's schizophrenic paranoia about his own fans, who showed him a lot of affection. That alone gave me creeps, because normally rock musicians never acted like that in front of fans.
And then, I craved talking with Geddy Lee, and as I wrote in my earlier blog post, I sort of met the bizarre accout on Facebook and Google mail that... WAS ABLE TO LOG INTO GEDDYIMAGES IG ACCOUNT OF GEDDY LEE. Bizarre, I'm gonna wait for more outcomes of this but e.g. Meg Symsyk blocked me for no reason, after I told this account "no 200$ from me", Howard Ungerleider did the same thing as well. So I think this account might've been real, Geddy Lee might have tried bribing his fans (like he admitted on My Effin' Life to bribe from his female starstruck fan cocaine).
I still can't believe that it's his real account, might have been a Nigerian hacker, but frankly, before releasing "My Effin' Life", that account (probably might be Geddy after all) told me, how much he resents Poland for the fact that his parents were victimized by some Poles. And henceforth I believe it's an evidence that Geddy Lee indeed used that account. He also... used my catchphrase "I'm a subhuman", most probably in his TV Show called "Are bass players human?". Bizarre, but probably true.
So, here is the story of my bizarre interaction with that account:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOepdhNJYAo
And many more on my @olganesterowicz YouTube account.
Later, My Effin' Life book came in in November 2023... and EVERY SINGLE RUMOUR ABOUT GEDDY LEE HATING POLAND... turned out to be true... despite the page of 426 from the book "Wandering the Face of the Earth", initially promising the Poles that Rush would play in Poland.
And my reaction was to be angry at Geddy Lee. How could he label all Poles as "Nazis"? It's reverse, most Poles were victims, even if unwilling Nazi accomplices. This stigmatization by Geddy Lee, contributed to my low self-esteem and depression. Don't tell me that Poles were Nazis, as many Germans keep lying about Poles that "Poles murdered Germans in Danzig massacres" and many more, Geddy Lee! You are being just a jerk. I will change my mind about you, when you start being nicer to Polish fans, who dedicated their entire lives to buying your records and going to the concerts in Poland's hated Germany, for example. I wasn't one who was willing to go to Germany to see Rush live. It takes away my dignity, after what Germans did to the Poles.
To conclude, I find it hard to listen to Rush, nowadays, but can you change my mind?
I hope so.
NOTE: If you believe I'm falsely accusing Geddy Lee, let me know, preferably Rush's crew.

I will call out anybody who hates me for my views and I won't shy from it.

Honestly, it's getting extremely tiring to talk with all those troll who don't accept my GC feminist views. From left and right, I get some anti-female remarks at my feed or DMs, like people have forgot how to be courteous and how not to be vulgar and abrasive, especially the Polish-language trolls, who target me for no other reason than revenge. I will call out those people on my YT from name and last name, so they will learn their lesson, next time  I don't care about their petty feelings, I'm tired of the fact that my empathy is being used against me.

Merry Xmas to people from all around the world.

What I used to do during my childhood (short essay)

Disclaimer: No guilt-tripping, please. Think of it that I was a kid and I didn't know better.

I used to go to the merry-go-rounds, fun parks, arcade game places, zoos, circuses (before its decline in 2021, they were with animals, almost all of them) and there were more spaces to hang out for people back in my days, unlike now. People have to sit at home, watching Netflix, Hulu. Disney, the entertainment is overly politicized and there are no safe spaces for people, gradually bigger misogyny, hatred, political division and more criminality from the side of both countrypeople and immigrants, due to the lack of law enforcement, like they stopped caring about the mental and physical well-being of humans. I will never vote either for left or right party and I consider myself to be politically homeless, because of that.

Can somebody talk to me at least and maybe discuss?

EN: ANNOUNCEMENT - I don't care about being hated PL: OŚWIADCZENIE - Nie obchodzi mnie to, czy będę znienawidzona.

EN: Heavily politicized people from both left and right seem to hate me for my worldviews. I'm OK with that, but discuss, instead of threatening, or I will block you.
PL: Mocno upolitycznieni ludzie z lewej i z prawej strony zdają się mnie nienawidzić za moje poglądy odnośnie całego świata. Jestem pogodzona z tym faktem, ale dyskutujcie ze mną, zamiast mi grozić, albo Was zablokuję.

Dlaczego język Esperanto to mój wentyl bezpieczeństwa? Jes, mi parolas Esperanton.

- Esperanto nie dyskryminuje nikogo z powodu rasy, narodowości, płci, orientacji seksualnej
- Dzięki Esperanto można poznać nowych ludzi
- Esperanto nie dba o to, jakie masz poglądy polityczne
- Esperanto jest ponadczasowe, ponieważ tworzą go różni ludzie
- Można się przyznać do najgłupszych rzeczy w języku Esperanto i nikogo to nie obchodzi prawie (poprawcie mnie jeśli się mylę)
- Esperanto fajnie brzmi
- Esperanto nie należy do żadnego konkretnego narodu, choć został stworzony przez polskiego Żyda - Ludwika Zamenhofa
- Fajnie się trolluje ludzi w języku Esperanto
- Piosenki ładnie brzmią w języku Esperanto

Jedynym mankamentem tego języka jest mała ilość kreatywnych ludzi, którzy chcą promować ten język.

Do mi skribos restajxon. Mi gxojas paroli kun multaj homoj en Esperanto kaj mi promesas porti la Esperantan T-cxemizon por cxi tiu afero.
La blogafisxo estos mallonga, pro tio, ke tio estas cxio, kion vi devas scii pri mi.
Kaj mi subtenas paciismon, amikecon kaj pli malmulton da nulig-kulturo.

Dlaczego nie życzę sobie, aby Wikipedia pisała o mnie cokolwiek niezwiązanego z muzyką.

 To będzie krótki wpis, bo mam dość pisania. Chyba każdy muzyk czy artysta marzył o sławie. I ja się zaliczałam do takich osób i nadal zaliczam.
Ale coś mnie w tej Wikipedii denerwuje. M.in. to, że z łatwością przychodzi jej klasyfikowanie osób publicznych. Nie było osoby, która bez swojej zgody, nie zostałaby sklasyfikowana jako "skrajna prawica", "TERF", "konserwatysta/tka", "skrajna lewica", "pro-aborcjonista/tka", "anty-aborcjonista/tka", jakby to miało jakieś znaczenie...
Wolę być oceniana przez pryzmat mojej muzyki, a nie tymczasowych, nic nieznaczących poglądów, które co chwila zmieniam (albo i nie, bo jednak jestem za etycznym traktowaniem kobiet, tego nie zmienię).
Nadawanie łatek ludziom, niszczy ich reputację, uwłacza godności, naraża na cyberprzemoc lub przemoc w prawdziwym życiu itd.
Nie rozumiem, z jakiego powodu istnieją różne nieobiektywne Wikipedie i inne internetowe encyklopedie, które niszczą osobom publicznym reputację i nie pozwalają im żyć.
Lubię, jak ludzie mi zadają pytania o poglądy, i tyle. Ale nie, żeby od razu mnie nienawidzili z powodu tego, że np. mam własne poglądy, które są wypadkową feminizmu pro-JK Rowling, ruchu wolnościowego oraz pragmatyzmu. Mam swoje doświadczenia, do których mam prawo.
Kiedyś encyklopedie służyły do informowania ludzi o danej osobie w sposób niekrzywdzący i obiektywny, a teraz potrafią skategoryzować na bazie poglądów politycznych... czy deep fake'ów - głębokich fałszywek, które dezinformują wielu ludzi nt. danych osób publicznych.
To skandal, że żyjemy w czasach, gdzie ludzi się nie szanuje!

On genocides and the eternal question, who denies them - from Polish perspective

I felt like I can't write all of this, due to emotional baggage it carries to me. But I'm gonna try it now.
So, I'm touching the very difficult subject, right now. Genocides. My country - Poland, faced a lot of genocides and most Poles to this day, fail to address the trauma, because of the Communist suppression of any talk about what happened to the Poles during those awful times.
I'm trying to write all my blog posts, carefully - so that I don't get accused of something petty or of being someone that I'm not, but I have to keep certain things, politically incorrect.
I'm disheartened by the fact that Polish voices aren't considered at all, when it comes to the WWII, German Nazi occupation of Poland and even the Holocaust. Are most scholars attempting to erase Polish suffering and victimhood, so that my countrypeople get depressed and broke? It was enough for me to read anything by Danusha Goska and Mieczysław B. Biskupski to conclude that Polish people fell and still fall the victims to the stereotypes that are harmful to the Polish folks. That all Polish people are capable of brutality, antisemitism, thieving etc. And there were zero histories about the good Poles, especially during the Cold War, which sadly influenced the whole outlook on the Polish people.
Yes, even my favourite Rush bandmembers are suffering from this kind of bias against Polish people, via Geddy Lee's book "My Effin' Life" and Neil Peart's essay "Shunpikers in the Shadowlands, those two publications, being the reason, why despite the fact that on "Wandering the Face of the Earth" tour book, Geddy Lee promised to perform in Poland. They should be reminded of the fact that modern left-wing activists hate Israel for allegedly (or apparently) murdering Palestinians. I prefer staying neutral about this conflict, just in case, because I criticize both sides. So they should stop hating and erasing Polish Rush fans, right now!
Yes, I'm aware of the apparent pogroms against the Jews in Poland, but when I read the history, it seemed two-sided. Sure, Ukrainians say the same thing about the fact that when they targeted Poles and Jews, it's all due to the horrors of Communism they were traumatized by (mind you that I visit the Świętochłowice's rehearsal room, where the Zgoda camp was led by Salomon Morel, sadist, bestial murderer of opposition of Polish, Silesian and German extraction and a communist functionary of apparently Jewish extraction, who never got extradited to Israel).
I decry the Polish pogroms against Jews, I find them the abhorrent violation of human rights in general and as a pacifist, I was opposed to the dog-eat-dog situation even in my country from my countrypeople, but I find it rather sad that the excavations of Jedwabne cannot be made, due to the religious prohibition. And I'm against all religions, a declared atheist/agnostic. And I'd wish both left and right in Poland found a common language on this issue. Some even argue, they found the evidence that those were partially Germans (or maybe wholly them) responsible for such pogroms and as for e.g. Kielce pogrom, Heniek Błaszczyk hinted that those were Soviet Russians behind it, as I was watching the interview featuring him.
But why isn't Jewish community willing to acknowledge the fact that Poles also suffered from German Nazi occupation, were killed, raped by both Nazis and Soviets, were thrown to the concentration camps (as one of the first prisoners in Auschwitz, for instance) and that Poles, despite the death penalty (not all but, 6000, maybe more, made a history in Yad Vashem), saved the Jewish folks?
Why can't the Jewish community find any positives in modern Poland, yet, when they are visiting my native country? Why do they think like in that movie called "Defamation" that in very badly translated speeches of the two elderly men who assumed they are Chinese just, that they are somehow treating them like "enemies". BTW, "Defamation" is a movie directed by Yoav Shamir, highly recommended watch.
I know the nation that denies the complicity in Nazi German death machine. It's Ukraine. Russians have apologized for Katyn (but still they awfully wage the war, against the Ukrainians), Germans have apologized to Polish and Jewish people (although they somehow failed to give back the stolen goods from the Poles). Why can't Ukrainians allow Poles for the excavation of Volhynian and Eastern Galician massacres? What is so hard for them? Are they gonna lose some pride? They can find new people for this, they are a vast country.
I have to appreciate Jesse Eisenberg (hoping it's not a false flag operation to degrade Polish people in some ways) for willing to make a case for a dialogue between Poles and Jews. And also I'd recommend watching Michael Rubenfeld's YT channel about Polish-Jewish relations.
But on the other hand, it's saddening that Putin e.g. decides to say that Ukraine, Poland and Baltic states are all "Nazi" states, because he feels like it's convenient, so that he could wage war against us.
This is why, I don't buy Geddy Lee's support for Ukraine, as he repeated on My Effin' Life Putin's propaganda against Poland (I hope those were his biased parents, but even his mother - Mary Weinrib said on USHMM that some Poles rescued Jews).
To conclude, it's not my fault nor my will to be born in Poland, but no matter what, I will be treating Poland as my native country and I shouldn't vomit on my nest.

About animal rights once again, also neo-nazis and some more about religions. Guilt-tripping in the nutshell.

 I have to tell you something.
People don't realize that I'm parodying the left, the right and all the extremism from all sides.
That upsets me very much, as right now e.g. I can tell you, what kind of politicized people I like lampooning (and I got my own reasons to do so).
I like lampooning every single guilt-tripper who thinks that humanity ought to be extinct, likewise I like lampooning people who adhere to religions and proselytize. Recently, PETA and Greenpeace are my favorite things to lampoon, as they hate humanity, despite the fact I find their goals noble.
Why is it always that both left and right use guilt-tripping so much to achieve their goals in life? Why can't they leave people like me alone and let me rethink all my stances? Why do they want to prevent me from feeling any pleasures in life, because of my "moral obligations" to them?
Let's take for example Rush's Geddy Lee and his recent attempts on My Effin' Life biography to guilt-trip people, because they were born in Poland or they had objections to the COVID lockdowns. I haven't seen Rush in Poland and I thought it would be a good thing to do to call them out for this.
He is a kind of a guilt-tripper, who would tell me "Polish death camps", even when I said "I'm from Poland and I'm your biggest fan, Geddy".  It's hard to think about it, when my own family was persecuted by the German Nazis, Soviet Russians and Ukrainian UPA. Sorry Geddy, I don't really like generalizing all Polish people, despite some bad apples among them... besides, I'm still worried about what is happening between Israelis and Palestinians, as I'm a pacifist. But still, I also hate being a guilt-tripper.
I don't want entertainers to lecture me, because entertainers eventually come across as hypocrites, who aren't themselves better and anybody at some point could the mote in the eye.
As for animal rights, I find it laughable that Hitler himself supported animal rights and environmentalism as the means of depopulation of human beings, he banned anything that he perceived as "animal cruelty", sometimes for good reason, and sometimes not. He certainly hated the whole humankind and advocated for eugenicist depopulation. I hope animal rights activists and environmentalists, don't have the same tendencies and I'm against trivializing the Holocaust very much.
Let's take e.g. ban on animals for entertainment. Not all animals for entertainment (like pet owning or zoos or even widely decried circuses - some of them, engaged in explicity cruelty, but yet they banned all circuses with animals, instead of punishing certain animal trainers that engaged in this) are suffering, unlike when animals get poached or slaughtered. Of course, I'm not gonna again, lecture all the people to stop eating meat, but personally I find it unethical.
Let's take PETA's hypocrisy, regarding killing certain animals. They killed dogs and cats, because they couldn't find home for them all. They are ultimately against all forms of pet-owning, not only all for preventing cruelty towards the animals.
Let's take the fact, that alas human scientists are too stupid to figure out how to make safe and effective medicine that isn't tested on animals, so we would have a cure for cancer, instead of having to suffer. I find vivisection cruel, but sadly looks like humans haven't found any other ways to find the best cures for abhorrent diseases.
Another group that I like deriding are the neo-nazis. Why the hell do those people think that e.g. my fellow Poles deserved to be killed, as well as Jews and why do they justify human-killing and abhor animal-killing in the same breath? Also, they are heavily far-right and I noticed that ALF, ELF, PETA exhibit the same fascistic tendencies like the Nazis (remember, Jewish folks were offended, when animal rights activists compared animal suffering at the slaughterhouses to the Holocaust), as both love animals more than humans.
While I'm not opposed to certain measures of preventing animal cruelty, I would encourage banning large slaughterhouses and I would enact certain anti-hunting measures, I find animal liberationists and environmentalists extreme. I believe, from reading their documents, especially of those extremist organizations like ALF that they are partly respinsible for worldwide COVID lockdowns, as they "wanted to prevent human supremacy". This social experiment wasn't good for making people more empathetic, certainly. People became more violent, deprived of entertainment which isn't only sitting on the computer desk or on the phone and ultimately, humans are advised to... stop petting animals, stop trying to befriend animals, not just stop eating or killing animals (which to some degree I support, except that lions and tigers also hunt other animals). Human-animal isolation is a must, according to those misanthropic people. So that we can't e.g. reconstruct the extinct animals or breed the engandered animals to release them.
At whom do I laugh as well? At misogynistic, religious people (thanks to them, we have people being confused about their gender, as they seemed to think that women are supposed to be feminine and men masculine). I'm a gender-critical feminist, but perhaps not an intersectional one, PETA certainly objectifies women on their posters, they are not saint and they e.g. endorsed Russell Simmons, known rapist.
Why do those people flock to quasi-fascistic methods of gaining everything they want? By using arson (ALF), threats and hate speech? Why do they hate humans and blame humans for being omnivorous?
Sorry, but I seem to think dr. Marthe Kiley-Worthington was a reasonable woman, who wasn't dogmatic about human-animal interaction being inherently "evil".
And here is her research on this subject.
http://the-shg.org/Kiley_Worthington/
I also like laughing at people, who believe that there are some e.g. men from certain cultures, that deserve our special protection from accusations. And yes, that includes Polish men in the right-wing setting, but also men from different countries in the left-wing setting.
To conclude, everybody would be more than happy, if there were less fun-destroying, guilt-tripping people, who don't want people to enjoy themselves in this planet.
Honestly, I tried being vegan, as I find the suffering of animals - extremely horrendous, but it's really hard to keep up with this diet, without having to know the nutrients, that don't even exist in the plants. So I'm either a vegetarian or an occassional meat-eater. Nobody, not even some dogmatic feminists, love being guilt-tripped, as everybody expects from women to be "empathetic, caring" and eventually this empathy is being used against us. It always seems like women are judged for everything they do or they stand for. Meanwhile over the years I developed some quasi-libertarian approach to life (of course, as with everything, not being dogmatic about it).
BTW, I never said I oppose animal rights. I only oppose misanthropy. I don't invite cancelysts, who would want to hate me for my views on this.